“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
Dear OPOS,
An open letter to my favourite utensil in the kitchen.
Thank you.
From one of your several patrons.
You arrived in Melbourne in November 2020, nestled within an Agarwal Movers and Packers carton box, buried under heaps of Diwali फराळ as a Diwali gift from Didi. Engrossed in uncovering all the sweets and savoury items, my excitement died before it was your turn, and you remained stuck inside the box.
I wonder if there was more to it than just my inertia.
Perhaps I wasn’t ready to have you in my life. Old habits are hard to break, and old relationships harder. I was committed to my cooking style and devoted to my pots and pans, spoons and ladles. And why wouldn’t I be? The Instagram madness I was trying to keep up with—at least, I thought I was—demanded cooking dishes that not only tasted and looked beautiful, but also showcased a variety of cooking techniques.
Just a month after you arrived, I went for my first Vipassana course, and shortly after that, in early next year, I took my first Permaculture course. In the attempt to integrate newly learned practices into my daily life, there was hardly any time left to spend with you. Towards the end of the year, when border restrictions were being waived, I got a chance to visit India. I took you along, hoping to unbox you there. However, local trips, my struggle to quit smoking and other health challenges hardly left any scope for creative pursuits.
After spending almost 9 months in India, it was time to return to Melbourne. This time I was genuinely considering giving you a fair trial. Part of the reason was that by now I had bid farewell to Instagram—at least one addiction taken care of- and another reason was that I had to find a new place to live, which meant a new kitchen, a new beginning.
After securing a job and moving to a new apartment, I started setting up my kitchen. Still struggling to quit smoking, I wasn’t keen on trying out anything new and found solace in my older ways of cooking. Everything around me had changed, but you were oblivious to it, being housed in the cardboard box.
For someone who loves to whistle in triumph and release their steam when surrounded by heat, to be waiting in the dark and cold environment of the box, isolated, without whistling even once for almost two years would have been dispiriting.
The tide began to change.
I got over my addiction to smoking. With renewed energy, I started adopting a healthy lifestyle. Instead of taking the train, I rode to work. Enrolled in swimming lessons. To cement my resolve not to go back to unhealthy ways of living, I signed up for my second Vipassana course.
The course turned out to be profoundly beneficial. I took an adhiṭṭhāna to maintain my daily meditation practice. Daily 2 hours of meditation, riding to work and swimming lessons after work meant I could reserve only an hour to cook and eat dinner. How do I cook my meals in such a limited time without compromising on nutrition and flavours?
The time had come to let go of my older ways and welcome you into my life.
Getting to know you initially seemed like it would involve a steep learning curve, but I was mistaken. By offering a helping hand in the form of flashcards, you helped me navigate the process step by step. The first step was standardisation.
OPOS Flash card - Standardisation
After standardisation, the entire process of preparing a meal was simplified to picking up a flashcard and following the printed instructions precisely. As a software engineer with a keen interest in cooking, this seemed achievable to me. I had a bottle gourd in my kitchen, so I searched for the relevant flashcard.
OPOS Flash card - Flash Juicy Veggies.
As instructed on the card, I added all the ingredients, closed the lid, and placed you on the stove. My mind was racing with various thoughts. I was accustomed to cooking in an open pot where I could see what was happening, allowing me to intervene if necessary. Now, I had to trust that everything would turn out well, and that was not easy for me. What if the food was overcooked? What if it remained undercooked? What if it burned? The fact that there was a "Standardization" process before helped me stay calm while everything was cooking. In just 2 whistles / 4 minutes, I would know whether I wanted to continue this relationship with you. It was time to release the pressure and face the truth.
As instructed, I marvelled at the colour.
They say, “When you see it, there is no need to believe it”. I was convinced that the bitter gourd was perfectly cooked. The flavor was well-balanced, and it looked fantastic, showing no loss of color or nutrition. I had no complaints at all. I reserved an hour to prepare my meal, but you delivered it in just two whistles! The total time it took me to prep, cook, eat, and wash the dishes was under 40 minutes. You exceeded all my expectations. This was a no-brainer—you were moving in!
It's no surprise that you're called a MagicPot. The experience of preparing a meal feels like watching a magic show. Draw a flash card, place all the ingredients in the pot, close the lid, and abracadabra! When the whistle sounds, it's the grand finale, and out comes a delicious dish amidst the steam!
From that day onward, I rushed home every evening to witness the magic.
Gobhi Masala
5 whistles / 6 minutes.
Dal Khichdi
8 whistles / 10 minutes.
Dal Khichdi plus tadka
8 whistles / 10 minutes + tadka!
Paneer Masala
3 whistles.
Aloo Gobhi
2 whistles / 6 minutes.
Kadhai Paneer
3 whistles.
Aloo Matar
2 whistles / 6 minutes.
Veg Biryani
2 whistles / 10 minutes.
Eggplant Rice
2 whistles / 10 minutes.
Poha
1 whistle / 4 minutes.
Mushroom Biryani
2 whistles / 10 minutes.
Maa ki Dal
4 whistles / 7 minutes.
Chana Masala
8 whistles.
Matar Pulav
2 whistles / 8 minutes.
Moong Dal Dry
4 whistles / 7 minutes.
Maggi Noodles
1 whistle / 2 minutes.
Upma
1 whistle / 5 minutes.
Do you remember the night I invited my friend Apurv to dinner? I wanted him to see your tricks firsthand. To make the spectacle more engaging, I drew this card from the deck.
OPOS Flash Card - Rajma Chawal.
Until that day, I had been cooking either curry or rice at a time. That day I felt like showing off your abilities. I hadn’t tried this recipe before, but I knew you would not let me down in front of my friend. As I added the ingredients one by one, my friend watched with curiosity. He remarked that he had never seen anything like this before and was amazed that we were about to prepare Rajma Chawal—a dish that is typically complex and time-consuming when made using traditional methods—in just 5 whistles!
While we were counting the whistles, Apurv mentioned that he enjoyed cooking but found the order of adding ingredients, particularly spices, confusing. He wondered which spice should go in first, which one should follow, and how long to wait before adding the next spice. These uncertainties kept him away from the kitchen. I explained how you have helped overcome this challenge. So long as someone can read English, identify and measure the ingredients, and add them in the specified order, they can easily prepare a delicious meal. No cooking involved. You make a novice feel like a chef! That’s huge!
Our conversation was interrupted by the final whistle. We rushed to the stove, eagerly waiting for the pressure to settle. When we opened the lid, we smiled.
Rajma Chawal - cooked together.
We finished our meal, but the conversations continued to revolve around you. Toward the end of the evening, he said, “Bhaiya, agar kabhi earthquake hua toh baaki sab chhod dena, bas OPOS lekar bhaag jaana” (Brother, if there is ever an earthquake, leave everything else behind and just run away with the OPOS). We shared a good laugh at that moment; however, his words truly captured your importance in my life.
Fortunately, there wasn’t any earthquake. However, a few months later, I went on a road trip and eventually left all of my kitchen items behind, except one thing: you.
OPOS Magic Show. Breakfast at one of the camping spots during the road trip . Semia Upma / Vermicelli. 2 whistles / 6 minutes.
P.S : OPOS, perhaps it wasn’t just you in the box for two years, so was I.
Roopkund - A trek to remember
Reminiscing fond memories of my first Himalayan trek. A decade later.
View of Trishul Peak from Bedni Bugyal campsite, Roopkund trek.
“Wow! Is this in India ?”, the three of us exclaimed, staring at the computer screen with eyes wide open, awestruck at what we had just seen.
“Haha, Yes bhai log, and I am going there this June”, said Amol, our teammate at work. He had just shown us an article about the Roopkund trek on the Indiahikes website.
“That's amazing man”, We said to him in unison, still drooling over at the computer screen. Scrolling through the page, pictures of stunning vistas appeared one after the other. Upon reaching the end of the article, there was silence. I looked at Harsh to my left, and Jitesh to my right. Perhaps all of us were thinking the same but wanted someone else to say it out loud.
Finally, I broke the silence.
“Koi aaye na aaye, main toh jaa raha hoon.” (Whether anyone comes or not, I am going)
That was it. It was decided. We are doing the Roopkund trek.
We were concerned about how our manager would react to three of us being "out of network area" for 10 days. Since we were a small team, our absence would mean a lot of extra work for the others, especially our manager. When we approached him with our plan, to our surprise, he smiled and said, "Well, everyone needs a break. Go ahead. Don't worry. We will find a way to work around it!" With his approval, we signed up for the 21st September 2014 batch.
The welcome email contained a couple of links. One of them provided a list of things to get, and the other detailed the fitness requirements and training schedule. We picked the low-hanging fruit first. Got into the car. Drove to Decathlon. Took out the list. Three of each. Done.
Now on to the most crucial task — getting physically fit for the trek. The plan provided by Indiahikes was precise. All one had to do was follow it diligently. This was the first time I felt motivated to exercise. We even did a couple of practice treks to prepare ourselves.
Harsh invited his friend Anshul to join the trek, making it a group of four – three from Pune and one from Nagpur.
Day 0 | 20 September 2014 | Flight to Delhi | Overnight train to Kathgodam
Harsh, Jitesh and I took a flight from Pune to Delhi. We were supposed to meet Anshul there who was flying in from Nagpur. In my head, this airport meeting was reminiscent of the scene from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. However, in this case, Anshul and I were seeing each other for the first time. And we weren’t headed to Spain. And none of us were getting married after the trip. After our meet and greet, we went to Decathlon as Anshul needed to buy a few things. Later in the evening, my friend Gaurav, who lives in Delhi, took us to Hauz Khas Village to hang out. Since we had to catch a train from Old Delhi Railway Station, we decided to explore the Chandni Chowk area where we enjoyed delicious parathas at Paranthe Wali Gali, followed by Rabdi. With our stomachs about to explode, we somehow managed to walk to the station to catch our train to Kathgodam.
Day 1 | 21 September 2014 | Kathgodam to Lohajung (Base camp, 7600 ft) | 210 km / 10 Hrs drive
We arrived at Kathgodam station early in the morning. Upon our arrival, we were welcomed by a local driver who was patiently waiting for us in his Mahindra Armada. We hopped on to it for what turned out to be a 10-hour journey to Lohajung on winding roads, which was exciting and sometimes nauseating. We encountered some issues in our vehicle and were transferred to another. A couple of hours later, we stopped for lunch. When we were done, we saw that our original driver was back. He had fixed his vehicle in the meantime and had come to pick us up again! Back on the meandering roads, we eventually reached Lohajung, our base camp.
Day 2 | 22 September 2014 | Lohajung to Didina (8050 ft) | 6.5 km trek
Following breakfast, our trek lead, Saranbir, conducted a group circle to brief us about the trek, emphasising safety, hygiene, the green trails pledge, and the code of conduct. I particularly enjoyed when he demonstrated how to fold clothes and pack bags taking weight distribution, accessibility, and usage into account, the techniques I still apply. He humorously dubbed our group of 26 members as “Special Chabbis”. After the session, almost everyone repacked their bags and as we were about to start, Saranbir announced a surprise birthday celebration. My friends had informed him about my birthday and the kitchen staff had lovingly prepared a cake with the available ingredients. It was suji halwa, flattened into a rectangular shape topped with chocolate syrup made using Bournvita and sprinkled with roasted pumpkin seeds. It was a heartwarming gesture. A sweet beginning to our trek!
Kundan chacha, the local trek expert and an excellent storyteller, led our group. During our breaks, he used to share the legends of the area. Although we began walking as one big group, we soon dispersed into several small groups. Some preferred walking with known faces, some wanted to get to know new faces, and some wanted no faces! The walking pace was also a factor. It was natural this would happen on the first day. As a result, some of them reached Didina early, some late, and some were puffing and panting, trying to catch up. Saranbir was observing all this. We likely reached Didina at around 1-2 pm. The crew spent the rest of the day relaxing, listening to stories, or reflecting.
Day 3 | 23 September 2014 | Didina to Bedni Bugyal (11,700 ft) | 10.5 km trek
This day was anticipated to be the most challenging due to the distance and steep incline. However, our lead Saranbir made it relatively easy for us. He assessed the strengths and weaknesses of our group and recognized that following the previous day's pattern would result in fatigue or burnout. To prevent this, he instructed us to walk in a systematic manner as a unit. He appointed the oldest and most experienced person in our group, Mr Shridhar Joshi, as the leader and asked the rest of us to follow in his footsteps.
Slowly and steadily, we made progress on the path. As a reward for crossing the steepest section, we were greeted by beautiful green hills, reminiscent of scenes from the movies or the Windows XP wallpaper.
After taking a break, we continued our walk. We were surrounded by clouds, which limited our visibility to just a few steps ahead. A couple of hours later, we spotted our campsite through the clouds. It was impressively set up by the Indiahikes’ staff, with 10 3-person tents, 1 kitchen tent, 1 dining tent, 2 toilet blocks, and 2 permanent bunkers.
This was my first experience of staying in a tent. Harsh, Jitesh, and Anshul shared a tent. I had to share it with two other members, which was a bit awkward initially, as I had barely interacted with them in the last two days. We were provided with sleeping bags and sleeping bag liners. After having a delicious dinner, I headed towards my tent. I chose to sleep on the left side of the tent as I did not want to be in the centre. Getting into the sleeping bag was not an easy task. I got into the liner, which was like getting into a gunny bag, then wriggled into the sleeping bag, somehow managed to pull the main zip, only to realise I had forgotten to wear my socks! So I followed the steps in the reverse order to get out, wore my socks, and then repeated all the steps to get back in. The liner made it difficult to turn around or change positions which was annoying, but by this time, I was too exhausted to be bothered by it and went off to sleep. Around 3 am, I needed to get out to pee. All those steps again! In addition to that, there was another hurdle. Since I was in the corner, I had to crawl out of the tent without disturbing the person sleeping in the centre. Instead of being in the corner, if I had chosen to be in the centre with my head towards the entrance, it would have been much easier to slide out of the tent without disturbing anyone. Somehow I managed to get out of the tent and without bumping into the horse standing outside our tent, I walked to the toilet and finally relieved myself. Phew! I decided not to go back in again. I noticed Harsh wandering as well. I can’t recall why he was out but since we both had no plans to sleep, we spent the night sitting outside the bunkers, looking at the shooting stars, waiting for the sunrise, and what a sunrise it was!
Day 4 | 24 September 2014 | Bedni Bugyal to Pathar Nachauni (13,000 ft) | 7 km trek
The sunrays broke through the thick clouds and revealed the majestic snow-capped peaks in all their glory. The entire group stopped what they were doing to admire the grand mountains around us. It took a while to sink in that we were camping with this incredible view in the background.
During breakfast, we shared stories of our tent experiences and had a good laugh. It started to feel like we were one cohesive group. We then began our walk towards the next stop, Pathar Nachauni.
The landscape changed distinctly from lush green meadows to solid grey rocks. Following a long, meandering walk along the mountain edges, we finally arrived at our campsite.
Day 5 | 25 September 2014 | Pathar Nachauni to Bhagwabasa (14,163 ft) | 4 km trek
After seeing the snowy mountain peaks yesterday, I wanted snow everywhere! We were told not to expect snow on our trek in September, but I am sure everyone wished for it. It would be just perfect! However, the mountains we were facing at Pathar Nachauni campsite suggested otherwise. The walk to Bhagwabasa was a short one. As we approached our campsite, all our hopes of being able to trek in the snow had vanished. We could see the mountain we had to climb the next day (summit day) with hardly any traces of snow.
But nature surprised us, yet again. It began to rain. Rain was followed by hail, and hail was followed by snow. It snowed all night.
Day 6 | 26 September 2014 | Bhagwabasa to Roopkund (15,696 ft) to Pathar Nachauni | 10 km trek
We were thrilled to hike in the snow but were unprepared for it. Since it wasn't supposed to snow, we didn't have ice cleats for our shoes, so we had to be extra cautious while walking. A decision was made to start descending at a particular time to avoid walking on melting snow, which meant we had to maintain a certain pace to reach the summit. Hoping to reach the summit on time, we began our walk.
Thankfully, we all reached Roopkund.
We enjoyed the scenic views from the top and took a few group pictures.
It was time to leave. After exchanging firm handshakes, sharing warm group hugs, and expressing heartfelt gratitude, we made our way down with mixed emotions. Our first pit stop was Bhagwabasa campsite for a meal, after which we continued marching to Pathar Nachauni to retire for the night.
Day 7 | 27 September 2014 | Pathar Nachauni to Lohajung via Wan | 15 km trek
The following day, we trekked through dense forests. As we neared civilization, we felt a sense of sadness. Our spirits were lifted by the sound of flowing water in the distance. In Wan, we boarded a jeep that transported us to Lohajung Base Camp.
We found ourselves back in the "network area". Trekking poles were replaced by mobile phones. Instead of the chirping of birds, the air was filled with mobile notifications and human chatter. A hot shower at the end of 6 days was gratifying though.
After dinner, the crew gathered for the final circle to share their experiences. We all received a "Certificate of Accomplishment" from Saranbir. There were a couple of special mentions as well. The award for the “Best Trekker” was presented to Mr. Shridhar Joshi and Jagdish (Jaggu) received the “Green Trails Pledge” award for picking up the most amount of trash on the trail.
The next morning we bid farewell to everyone. Heading towards our jeep, we could hear Saranbir, enthusiastically addressing yet another group, as they prepared to take their first steps to Roopkund.
A photo diary of Roopkund trek.
The journey back to Kathgodam felt different, despite the same roads, car, and driver. Perhaps something within me had changed. The brief disconnection from the society allowed me to connect with myself. It was an opportunity to contemplate what truly matters in life. Reaching the summit wasn't just an individual achievement but a collective one. It highlighted the importance of cooperation over competition. We felt motivated, energetic, and safe because of the support from both, the local people and Indiahikes staff. Their actions taught me valuable lessons in love, kindness, selfless service, and empathy. I'll never forget the hot Gulab Jamuns we had in the bunkers while it was snowing outside on the eve of the summit day, prepared by the staff. It was humbling to have them accompany and encourage us with smiles, setting up tents, carrying heavy loads, and preparing delicious food.
The trek was a great equalizer as well. Your occupation and income were irrelevant. What truly mattered was how you treated those around you. The experience not only strengthened my existing friendships but also paved the way for the development of new, long-lasting ones!
So why should someone go on a trek? To me, the line from the song Dil Dhadakne Do perfectly encapsulates the answer: “Khel aisa kyun na koi khele, jisme sabhi ki ho jeet” (Why not play a game in which everyone wins?)
The following year, Anshul and I did play the game. Again.
Confessions from an Ex-Smoker
Chapter 3: The Road to Liberation
CHAPTER 3
THE ROAD TO LIBERATION
Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking Book Cover
..continued from Chapter 2.
I am not exaggerating. Allen Carr’s Easy Way To Stop Smoking has been my saviour. It saved me from further damaging my physical health. It saved me from countless moments of stress thereby reviving my mental health. At the peak of my smoking practice, I was spending almost 1000 AUD per month on cigarettes. So it saved heaps of money. Most importantly, it saved me from being a slave to cigarettes all my life.
All my previous approaches failed because the methods required faith. Faith in the concept that if you are strong enough to endure the cravings; if you have the willpower to not give in to the temptation, one day you will come out of misery; and if you can’t then you are not strong enough or lack willpower. This approach has a major flaw. It does not tell how will you know that you have permanently quit smoking. Or how many days do you have to keep faith before you can call yourself a non-smoker? A week? A month? A year ? or till you die? This approach promises you salvation but the result is lifelong misery. I was seeking liberation from my misery.
Allen Carr’s method is quite the opposite. It is based on reason and hence guarantees liberation.
First, Allen Carr describes the nature of the trap. Second, he describes why people remain in the trap even after realising they have fallen into it. Third, he offers a solution to come out of the trap. Fourth, he shows the path to break free from the trap. All you got to do is walk on the path and you’ll know the moment you liberate yourself from the trap. Permanently.
The solution works for all. The time required by every individual to liberate themselves would vary depending upon how deep they are stuck in the trap. Individuals stuck for years may require more time and practice while those who have recently fallen into the trap may easily come out with a little practice. Lucky would be those sitting on the fence who can avoid falling into the trap altogether.
Each chapter of the book, when understood fully, frees your mind from a nicotine-related mental association that was built over the years. With each subsequent chapter, you start feeling lighter. Allen Carr asks you to carry on smoking while you read the book. The more you walk on the path, the more you realise the futility of smoking. A moment will arrive when you will know that you are done with cigarettes. You don’t want them anymore. That’s when Allen Carr asks you to smoke your last cigarette.
After 4 readings of the book, which took me around 5 months, I smoked my last cigarette on 21st November 2022. I had the first puff. I coughed. Coughed again. I vividly recall I hated it. I couldn’t even finish it. I threw it after 2 puffs. I knew I would never have it again.
TOWARDS A NO PERMANENT ADDRESS LIFE | TRAILER
A story in the making.
I can’t recall the exact moment, but around April-May 2023 I began to lose interest in my existing way of living. Having spent 12 years working as a Software Developer, I felt there was hardly any difference between a computer and myself. Both of us were being conditioned by external entities to function in a certain way to serve them.
We are all pushing towards making computers sentient beings, but in turn, becoming robots ourselves.
I wanted to break out of this rut.
An analysis of my savings, my needs, my wants, and my obligations showed that I could afford a long break without a job.
For a few years, I had been wanting to do a road trip without an itinerary. Without the boundaries of paid leaves. Without an end date. Just dump your stuff in the car and leave kind of trip.
There couldn’t be a better time than this, I thought.
I quit my job. 3 months later I began my journey from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. 40 days / 3383.4 KMS / 12 pitstops later I reached Noosa Hinterland, Queensland, Australia. But has the journey ended? Or is it just the beginning of a new one?
TOWARDS A NO PERMANENT ADDRESS LIFE | TRAILER
Confessions from an Ex-Smoker
Chapter 2: Emosanal Attyachaar
CHAPTER 2
EMOSANAL ATTYACHAAR
Still from the movie Dev.D
..continued from Chapter 1.
January 2021
I knew I was addicted.
The thing that I thought would put me at ease made me feel trapped. All I yearned for was just one drag, and now that I had a pack of cigarettes with me, I felt like getting rid of all of them. Unfortunately, I couldn’t. It was ludicrous - but it still hurt. The emosanal attyachaar (emotional torture) had begun. I reached out for another one.
From that moment, the thought that hardly left my mind was - “I need to get rid of this habit”.
Plan A: I won’t smoke from Monday.
Sunday evening. Around 4 pm. I may have had just 3-4 cigarettes left in the pack. “Hmm. So if I smoke all of these now, I will run out of them way before my sleep time. That’s too early. How about I buy one last packet, and go out for a drink? This way I shall be able to finish a pack just before sleeping. Let’s celebrate this event.”
The celebration continued past midnight. I returned home with another pack. The following day, after I smoked the last cigarette, I was hoping to feel happy but I felt sad. I felt as if there was nothing to look forward to. There would be no enjoyment aspect to my life now. The feeling of emptiness overpowered all other feelings. I was hoping to liberate myself from the filth but It started to feel like a burden and I had no idea how long would I have to continue to suffer before I could safely say “I don’t need nicotine anymore”. The shock treatment certainly did not work for me and within an hour I found myself heading towards 7-11 to fetch a new pack.
Plan A: I won’t smoke from Monday.
Plan B: Perhaps I should cut down slowly.
My next approach was to gradually cut down. I reduced my consumption to half. While at work, instead of having a cigarette in every break, I smoked during alternate breaks. It just meant I take half the number of breaks. Smoking 10 a day is better than having 20 a day right? Unfortunately not the case with nicotine. I observed that when I skipped a break to not have a cigarette, I waited eagerly for the next break when I could have one. I started feeling as if I had earned it for my previous sacrifice. Sometimes I would have 2 cigarettes thinking the next slot was too far away. This new plan wasn’t helping me at all. On the contrary, it put additional responsibility and stress of “break management” on me.
Plan A: I won’t smoke from Monday.
Plan B: Perhaps I should cut down slowly.
Plan C: Chewing gum to curb cravings.
My earlier plan required me to not give in to cravings, at least half the number of times, which was getting exhausting. I remember those pangs. I couldn’t think of anything else but having a smoke during those moments. More often than not, I used to give in and end up having back-to-back cigarettes. I had heard that chewing gums helped fight cigarette cravings. Not Nicorette. I used to wonder why are people even buying Nicorette. Why would you consume gum that is made up of the stuff you are trying to get rid of from your system? I started keeping regular chewing gum in my other pocket and would reach out to either cigarette or chewing gum based on the severity of my cravings. I noticed my cigarette consumption took a dip for a few days. However, chewing gum consumption went up. My gums started to ache. Eventually, I quit chewing gums and nicotine took over.
Plan A: I won’t smoke from Monday.
Plan B: Perhaps I should cut down slowly.
Plan C: Chewing gum to curb cravings.
Plan D: Cut down access to cigarettes for a long time.
Having failed in all my attempts so far, I wanted to try something different this time. One common aspect in all previous failures was having easy access to cigarettes. The fact that I could just walk a few steps to buy a new packet made it challenging to refrain from it. I wanted to put myself in a scenario where I wouldn’t be able to buy cigarettes and if this could stretch for a long time, perhaps I wouldn’t crave cigarettes anymore.
March 2021
Luckily, at the same time, I got admission to the Permaculture Design Course (PDC). It was a 15-day residential course at Rocklyn Asharam. Smoking was strictly prohibited on campus. Being in a remote location meant no easy access to stores selling cigarettes unless you had a car. I did not. The course schedule was intense which meant being occupied most of the time, leaving hardly any room to miss smoking. I could imagine myself walking out of the campus with my head held high, not wanting cigarettes anymore. Perfect!.
I was determined. I left home for the course without any cigarettes with me. As I had already experienced bouts of strong cravings during my prior pursuits to quit, I was mentally prepared to deal with them this time. The smoke-free 3-hour journey to Asharam felt like taking the first steps toward liberation from nicotine. The pilgrimage had begun.
The day used to begin with a Yoga session followed by a series of lectures, activities, garden walks, or farm visits. Delicious food cooked using fresh produce from the garden and discussions on a variety of subjects during meals kept our bodies healthy and minds stimulated (more about PDC in a separate blog). All these aspects helped me to not miss smoking. I was happy.
Halfway through the course, we had a free evening. A few of us went out for dinner in a nearby town. This was the first time since the course began that shops were accessible. I did not give in to the temptation of buying cigarettes. I started to feel confident about this plan.
The course ended. This was the longest I had been clean since I had started smoking regularly. When it was time to leave the Asharam my mind was chattering. Am I a non-smoker now? I guess I can claim that isn’t it? Have I gotten over cigarettes? Maybe yes! Will I not experience cravings anymore? I hope not. Is this for real? I was confused. One of our coursemates offered a ride to the train station. On our way to the station, I shared with him my struggles of trying to quit smoking before I came to the course, and perhaps this time I may have been successful. He was thrilled to hear that and congratulated me. We arrived at the train station. Exchanged good-byes. He left. I walked to the platform and saw that there was still an hour for the train to arrive. I came out of the station. Walked towards a convenience store. Bought a packet of cigarettes.
Till today I am unable to figure out what made me do that. As soon as I had the drag, I felt as if I had slipped into a dark tunnel. I felt demoralized. After staying clean for 15 days, I couldn’t believe that I simply threw it all away. I felt extremely sad during my entire train journey back to Melbourne. What I thought was my best chance to be free had failed.
In my head, it was a foolproof plan. It had to work. The fact that it did not, hit me hard. Not only did this affect my morale, but it affected my meditation practice too. Practicing meditation while continuing to take intoxicants felt like a hypocrite. My meditation practice took a hit and I quit trying to quit smoking.
Plan D: Cut down access to cigarettes for a long time.
October 2021
The international borders opened up and I got a chance to visit home. Being able to come to Pune after spending almost a year in lockdown was a huge relief. I wasn’t completely at ease though. Back in Melbourne, I was smoking more than 20 cigarettes a day. Here in Pune, maintaining the same rate meant stepping out of the house 20 times a day. That wasn’t practical at all. To not smoke was not possible for me either. I started smoking in my bathroom with the exhaust fan on. While smoking in the bathroom, there was a feeling of comfort, but there was always a fear that my parents or sister would find out about it. In addition to this, there was the feeling of disgust that I had reached this stage. These unpleasant moments pushed me to seriously reconsider quitting before it was too late.
January 2022
Fortunately, I got another opportunity to pursue PDC and volunteer at Aranya Permaculture Farm. Once again I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to stay away from smoking. I did not carry any cigarettes with me to the course. I did not smoke a single cigarette during the entire duration of the course. The 15-day course came to an end. We all were celebrating around a campfire. One of the coursemates lit a cigarette and offered it to me and I accepted the offer without any hesitation at all.
February 2022
The fast was broken. I did not even ponder over it this time. My main concern was how to arrange cigarettes as I was planning to stay at the farm for 3 months. I needed to figure out the entire supply chain. The nearest town was almost 10 km away. Once in a while someone from the farm would go to the town, so we would request the person to get stuff for us. A part of my mind was permanently reserved to keep track of this. I did not even care what brand or type of cigarette I was smoking. Whatever was available in the town was fine with me as long as it had nicotine in it and could be smoked. I would occasionally borrow bidis from the locals on the farm and smoke them too.
March 2022
Just after a month of volunteering, I fell extremely sick. Perhaps in my excitement to work on a farm, I must have over-exerted myself. The rising temperatures and my incessant smoking had made it worse. I asked my friend from Hyderabad if he could pick me up and he readily agreed. I spent a couple of days at his place and then returned to Pune.
Once I got back home, my health worsened. For the next two months, most of the time was spent either visiting hospitals for checkups, getting body parts fixed, or recovering from one or the other illnesses.
Still from the song Emosanal Attyachar from the movie Dev.D
June 2022
The rest period gave me time to reflect upon my actions. It was more than a year, and I wasn’t able to successfully give up smoking. All the methods I had tried so far required willpower to some extent. Having failed in all the attempts I started to doubt my abilities. Am I weak-willed? Maybe not. Maybe I am. Why am I unable to let go of smoking completely? Should I give quitting another shot or should I just accept that I will be a smoker all my life? The voices in my mind were just not shutting down. I was desperate for a solution to get me out of this mess.
And then I found a book.
…continued in Chapter 3.
Confessions from an Ex-Smoker
Chapter 1: The Realisation
CHAPTER 1
THE REALISATION
Still from the movie Kaante showing Sanjay Dutt smoking
1992-2004
As a child, perhaps it was my obsession with Sanjay Dutt, memories of watching my uncle smoking while having a good time with his friends, Marlboro advertisements on the television, or a combination of these, I had correlated smoking with freedom or being macho and I just wanted to try it.
And so I did.
2004
I smoked my first cigarette when I was 16.
The day was chosen. On the auspicious occasion of finishing the 10th Standard Board Exams, I wanted to relish my freedom with a cigarette. I imagined holding a cigarette and walking like Sanjay Dutt with the song playing in the background “Chal pade hai fikr yaar, dhuein main udaake” (We are moving turning worries into smoke). As soon as we stepped out of the school, my good friend bought 2 cigarettes. I asked him to light it for me. I had the first puff. I coughed. Coughed again. I vividly recall I hated it. I couldn’t even finish it. I threw it after 2 puffs. I decided never to have it again.
Unfortunately, nicotine had entered into my system and the association of smoking and freedom was still etched in my mind. The combination had to rear its ugly head. It was just a matter of time.
2007
In my second year of engineering, almost 3 years after my first rendezvous with a cigarette, I had another one. Classic Milds. Me and my couple of buddies were having beer and one of us proposed to add a cigarette to the mix. “Sure, Why not?. But I am just going to have it only when we have a beer. Not otherwise”, I told myself. The result? The frequency of having beer went up. What used to be a once-in-two-month event, became a monthly event. Sometimes even weekly. I did not realise it then, but I do now, that I wasn’t craving beer. I was craving nicotine.
Days went by and I no longer waited to have a beer to smoke. On my way back home from my college I used to stop midway to have chai with a friend. Or coffee. It did not matter. What mattered was smoking cigarettes. From 1 or 2 cigarettes along with beer once in two weeks changed to 2 or 3 with tea twice or thrice a week. “But I am just going to have only when I have some company. Never alone”, I told myself.
2010
After my engineering course, I got a job with Infosys and had to go to the Mysore campus for a 4-month training. This was the first time I was living away from my parents. Perhaps, living with my parents during engineering, restricted me from smoking once I was back home from college. But now there were no such constraints. I could smoke whenever I wanted to. We had multiple smoking zones on the campus and mutiple breaks during the day. I made the most of the given opportunity. Instead of buying loose cigarettes from the tapri, I graduated to buying a packet from a store just outside the campus. IT guy with chai in one hand and a sutta in the other. I was on cloud nine! I had pushed all boundaries now. I did not need a beer. I did not need tea. I did not even need a company. Cigarettes had replaced all three. I may have been smoking 4-5 cigarettes in a day and probably 10 on Fridays when we used to go to our favorite pub, Purple Haze, near the campus.
2011
Post training, I came back to Pune. However, the pattern stayed the same. Monday to Thursday 4 to 5 cigarettes during 9 to 5 job. 10 cigarettes on Fridays in a pub. Either Hidden Place, German Bakery, or Hoppipola. Hungover on Saturday. Week after week.
I started enjoying having cigarettes (at least that’s what I thought). Every morning I used to look forward to slots in a day where I could have a drag. If I could foresee an event where I would not be able to smoke, I used to simply skip it. The event I mean. “Being able to smoke” became a crucial criterion to make a decision. As there was a rise in my smoking frequency, protocols were put in place to make sure my close ones (parents and sister) didn’t find out that I smoked. For eg, brushing teeth or spraying strong perfume just before entering the home. On Fridays, I used to make sure I entered home late so that no one noticed. I used to keep loads of mint chewing gums handy. My mom used to often wonder why there were so many mentos wrappers popping out of my pockets. Once my dad caught me sleeping on the bathroom floor at around 4 am. I was drunk and was reeking of alcohol and tobacco smell. He did not speak to me for a week. I felt guilty and assured him I would not repeat that. After feeling guilty for a week or two, I was back to my old ways. I was living two lives. One outside the home and one inside. While away, I felt a sense of freedom. While at home, a sense of guilt. Eventually, the guilt faded out. I just did not care. “It is fine, I can enjoy a bit. It’s my life. This time won’t come back. Nevertheless, this is not permanent. I will eventually quit.” OR “Someday I might have a partner who may not like that I smoke and so ultimately, I will have to quit.” Thoughts like these kept me away from thinking otherwise.
2016-2017
I got married. My partner expressed that she would prefer if I stopped smoking. I agreed. It was not a big deal for me as I knew this would happen someday. But did I accept it wholeheartedly? Absolutely no. I felt I had to sacrifice smoking for someone else and it better be worth it. Hardly a few days must have gone by and we started to face difficulties in our marriage. Nothing seemed to go the way we had imagined. I started feeling trapped. I used to feel “My relationship isn’t flourishing. Life at home is gloomy. Did I sacrifice smoking for this?”. So I resumed smoking while at work.
From feeling a sense of freedom to enjoyment and now feeling relaxed, new associations were being created in my mind regarding cigarettes. We moved to Melbourne, Australia. The move further deepened the cracks in our relationship. It was getting difficult for us to live together. After just 5 months, I decided to step out of the relationship.
2018
Having started to live alone in Australia, I had no one to answer to. No one to be responsible for. With the newfound freedom, there was a huge spike in indulgence. Every morning I would step out, walk to the nearest 7-11, buy a coffee, a slice of walnut banana bread, and a packet of Bond Street Blue 20’s, and kick off my day with coffee and a cigarette. Every evening after work, I would hop into Two Hands Rooftop Bar, have 4 or 5 pints of beer while chain-smoking, have bhindi-do-pyaza, dal, and roti at Did You Eat, and wind up the day with chai and a cigarette. I was smoking 20 cigarettes a day. Sometimes more. This went on every day for almost 6 months. I moved into a new apartment. In addition to having a beautiful kitchen, having an outdoor space where I could smoke without having to worry about smoke alarms became a priority while shortlisting for an apartment. I started enjoying cooking more than eating out. The rate of having beer also plummeted. However, my cigarette count remained consistent.
2020
I added diversity to my routine. Reading, watching good movies/documentaries, practicing guitar, creating videos, cooking for Shubham’s Kitchen, and a bit of exercise. Every activity would make me feel something and I would share that feeling with my buddy. Amazed after reading a page? Light a cigarette. Moved by a scene in a movie? Light a cigarette. Happy after creating a video? Celebrate with a cigarette. Got the recipe right? Cigarette. Spotted a beautiful view while riding the bike? Pause for a cigarette. Frustrated if not being able to play a chord right? Back-to-back cigarettes! At this point having a cigarette had become my second nature.
Earlier, I used to associate smoking with freedom, enjoyment, or relaxation. Now, I did not even know why was I smoking. Sometimes, while smoking, I used to think it’s enough now. Let’s quit it. Like the smoke, the thought used to appear whenever I used to light up and disappear as soon as I used to dispose of the butt.
Later in the year, I decided to learn Vipassana meditation. It meant I couldn’t smoke for 10 days. “Not a big deal”, I thought. 31st December was the last day of the course. I stepped out of the meditation center and I had no urge to smoke a cigarette. I went to my friend’s place in Sydney. Preparations were in place for the evening. To my surprise, I had the same feeling when I looked at a glass of water and a pint of beer. No craving for beer. No craving for cigarettes.
2021
I came back to Melbourne. I was relieved that I wasn’t craving tobacco anymore. But why? I had no plans to quit. I had always associated cigarettes with enjoyment or relaxation. So why was I so pleased to not want to have it? The following day I spoke to my parents to share my experience about the course. In my excitement, I confessed that I used to smoke but now I don’t feel the urge to smoke or drink anymore. Not sure whether they had any inkling that I used to, but I felt like announcing it nonetheless. Perhaps I was happy because I had heard quitting is not easy and if I am not feeling any urge to smoke, I have probably skipped that step. “Anyways, it is great that I have gotten over it”, I thought.
After a month or so, I had some friends over. Post dinner, one of them suggested we go and have sheesha. I was hesitant at first. But then I told myself “I am not having cigarettes. Sheesha is fine once in a while.”. The following day I got to know about an unpleasant event back home that involved my parents, my sister, and a relative of mine. After speaking to my sister in detail about it, I felt sad, angry, and agitated. As if a deep trauma had surfaced. After I got off the phone, I felt a strong craving to smoke a cigarette. I became desperate for a drag. I couldn’t think of anything else but smoking.
While I was walking towards the nearest 7-11 store, I realised why I was so relieved when I had no urge to smoke just after the course. I realised I was walking towards an ugly path. But I couldn’t stop myself. I continued walking. Bought a packet. Lit a cigarette. I knew I was addicted.
…continued in Chapter 2
Ehipassiko
Ehipassiko - Come See for Yourself.
From the book Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari.
August 2020. Covid. Melbourne was in its 2nd Lockdown. I was privileged to have a roof over my head, food to eat, a job with no pay cuts, and unlimited high-speed Internet. I had absolutely nothing to complain about. Unfortunately, not everyone in the world could say that. The fact that a virus outbreak could crumble the world order made me wonder what have we achieved as a humanity. We love to claim that we are the most intelligent species on the planet, but are we?
Maybe YouTube did not like my line of questioning and it decided to show me another perspective. It gently pushed a video in my recommendations. The video was titled “Why Humans Run the World”.
Why humans rule the world. A TED talk by Yuval Noah Harari.
According to Yuval, on the individual level, a homo sapien is similar to a chimpanzee. Just based on the ability to survive, a chimpanzee is much better than a human. However, our ability to cooperate both flexibly and in large numbers is what makes us powerful at a collective level. And the way we do so is by creating and believing in fictional stories. God, religion, nations, human rights, corporations, money. All are fictional stories. We live in a dual reality. We have constructed a layer of fictional reality on top of objective reality and today, the very survival of objective realities depends on decisions and wishes of fictional realities.
Yuval’s insights along with his ability to present them in a logical, easy-to-understand manner made me want to enquire more about him and his work. I found out he is a historian, philosopher, and best-selling author of three books.
The three best selling books by Yuval Noah Harari.
Sapiens is one of the most profound pieces of literature that I have read. It is like a condensed form of entire human history. Observations of our collective behavior since evolution bring to the surface fundamental patterns about us. Although it is a non-fiction book, Yuval’s unique way of weaving facts into a story makes it nothing short of an engaging thriller. You will know why they say “Fact is stranger than fiction”. Barack Obama sums it up perfectly when he says “It’s a sweeping history of the human race from 40,000 feet”.
I picked up Homo Deus next. Home Dues is an extension of his previous book where he presents possibilities of what our future could look like based on the patterns we have seen until now. The dedication page caught my attention.
From the book Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari.
I googled S.N. Goenka. I learned that he is a teacher of Vipassana Meditation. Yuval mentions in one of his interviews that it was only because of his regular meditation practice that he was able to write his books. He says, “If I can’t observe the reality of my own breath, how can I hope to observe the reality of global systems”. This further piqued my interest in Vipassana.
When I read about the Vipassana technique and the course, the things that stood out for me were:
Non-Sectarian
Free from any rituals based on blind faith.
Noble Silence during the course.
Emphasis on practicing instead of preaching or metaphysical speculation.
No charges for the course. The student may choose to donate after completion of the course.
All the above points were in complete contrast to what popular “bearded gurus” in India practice. That made it easy for me to decide what path I would like to pursue.
I took my first Vipassana course at a center in Blackheath, New South Wales, Australia in December 2020.
Signing up for Vipassana has been one of the best decisions of my life. Being a student I don’t consider myself qualified enough to speak about the technique. However, I can say that daily Vipassana Meditation practice changes a person at a fundamental level.
Back from the course, I picked up Yuval’s third book, 21 Lessons for the 21st Century. The book has 21 chapters, each chapter about one of the fictional entities that impact our lives. God, Religion, Nationalism, Secularism, War, Immigration, Community, and Civilization are some of the topics. The subjects are discussed in a logical flow; the last paragraph of the chapter becomes a segue into the next. It comes as no surprise that the 21st chapter is titled “Meditation: Just Observe”.
After the first course, it took me almost 2 years to become consistent in my practice. There was one major roadblock that affected my daily practice which I will share in another blog. After getting rid of that roadblock from my life I went for my second Vipassana Course in December 2022. Since then I have maintained my daily practice and will continue to do so.
As I prepare to leave for my third Vipassana Course, I reflect on the doubt I had about human intelligence three years ago. At a collective level, we may be the most intelligent species. But isn’t it high time we ask ourselves “At a collective level, are we the most compassionate species?”
Thank you Yuval Noah Harari for inspiring me to pursue this path.
Ehipassiko - Come See for yourself.
Here is the text version of a talk given by Mr. S. N. Goenka in Berne, Switzerland.
Khaana khaaya kya?
A story about how a simple question led to a home cooking project called Shubham’s Kitchen and Beyond.
Logo of SHUBHAM’S KITCHEN Instagram page. Created using Canva
Moving to Melbourne has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. Migrants among you would relate to the concoction of an assortment of feelings that one goes through when one moves to an alien land. If you are lucky like me and are going through a relationship crisis at the same time, the concoction transports you to unforeseen avenues. Juggling through a roller coaster of emotions while trying to find my feet in a new country took a toll on my physical and mental health.
My mom had a unique way of showing care and expressing concern, both at the same time, packaged into one question. “Khaana khaaya kya ?” which is Hindi for “Did you have food?”. Her tone made me feel that she was not particularly happy whenever I used to say that I ate something outside. However, she used to sound elated whenever I used to mention that I cooked. I wondered why there had to be a vast difference in the tone even if the result was the same. I never asked her that.
With every passing day, I gravitated more towards cooking. Instead of just an audio response to THE QUESTION, I started sharing pictures of my meal on our family WhatsApp group. Cooking food and sharing pictures became part of my daily routine. Looking at the pictures and sharing feedback became part of theirs. Something felt missing when this did not happen.
Some of the initial set of food pictures shared on the family Whatsapp group
“Why don’t you post your pictures online? Like on Insta......” my sister tried to suggest. “Nah, I don’t see the point” was my reaction even before she could finish her sentence. Maybe she was able to see something in those pictures that I wasn’t. Nevertheless, the seed was sown in my mind. All it needed was the right conditions to germinate.
Around the same time, I was looking for a new place to live. A beautiful kitchen with a 4-burner gas stove stood first in my selection criteria. I was lucky to find one. The apartment was just the way I wanted and the open kitchen was the highlight. White tabletop. White dinner table. Light on top of the table. Yellow lights in the kitchen. Ample drawers to keep things organized. “This is perfect”, I thought.
The kitchen of my apartment in Melbourne.
I moved in. Stocked up my kitchen with the basics. Started cooking. Took some prints of my food pictures. Blue tacked them on the wall. The kitchen was coming to life.
Collage of my food pictures that I used to refer to as “Physical Instagram”
One day, my friend Harsh came over for dinner. Harsh has been my sounding board for quite some time now. I consider him my Instagram guru. He wholeheartedly supported the idea when I told him what my sister had been suggesting, multiple times now. I asked him several queries related to Instagram which he patiently answered. This was when Instagram was just about photographs. I miss that. We started brainstorming names for my page. I came up with one and asked him “Since this project is an experiment, how about calling it Food Lab ?”, “Nah, boring” was his prompt response. “Hmm, How does this sound to you? Shubham’s Kitchen”. “Perfect hai bhai, Chalu karo” (It’s perfect bro, go for it.)
That’s it. I got onto it. The algorithm was simple. Decide what to cook. Look for the recipe. Fetch the required ingredients. Cook. Take pictures. Taste. Love it? No? Just eat it. Yes? Edit the picture. Post it. Repeat.
The constant love I kept receiving from well-wishers online kept me motivated to keep improving my cooking, photography, and presentation, and I am extremely grateful for that.
A slideshow of some of the pictures that were published on Instagram @ShubhamsKitchen
As everything that has a beginning must have an end, I took down the page after two years.
I feel the project not only served its purpose but went beyond. I found the answer (or at least I think I have) to the question that I refrained from asking my mom. Her tone was simply a reflection of my state of mind. Back then, I used to cook only when I was in a good mood. Otherwise, I used to just order some food. No wonder her tone would vary based on my responses. She knew what would keep me sane much before I realized it. That interaction put into motion a series of events that eventually changed me. From cooking only when I was in a good frame of mind, to cooking to remain in a good frame of mind.
I continue to cook and share pictures with my family. But no longer as a response to the question “Khaana khaaya kya?”(Did you have food?) but as a response to the question “Aaj kya banaaya?” (What did you make today?).
Welcome to the kitchen
Read to find out why a blogging website is called Shubham’s Kitchen.
Illustration of the kitchen of my apartment in Melbourne by @aasmafilms_art_academy
The picture above is an illustration of the kitchen of my apartment in Melbourne. Thank you so much Didi for making this.
This kitchen will always hold a special place in my heart. I would like to share two of the several reasons here.
Firstly, it was the birthplace of the idea called “Shubham’s Kitchen”. The idea found its first manifestation in an Instagram page that had pictures of the food that I prepared in this kitchen. (more about this in a separate blog)
Secondly, when my parents and sister visited me, this is where we spent most of our time. As it was a 1-bedroom apartment, it won’t be an exaggeration to say that we all lived in the kitchen. On any given day, the scene would be something like this. I come home from work. I open the door. My elder sister is creating artwork on the dinner table in front of the fridge. My mother is sitting on the IKEA chair, right in front of the kitchen table top, watching the television while making steady progress in her knitting. My father is engrossed in creating something beautiful from the discarded wood that he sourced from the streets during his morning walk. (you will find some artifacts in the picture). Tea is boiling on the gas stove. The family enjoys chai with Parle-G biscuits while sharing stories of the day. All of this is happening with the kitchen in the background……and cut!
So, whenever I look at this picture, it transports me back to those days as if all the cupboards, drawers, trollies, and racks have safely stored all the memories.
To me, a kitchen is not just a space to cook our meals. It is a reflection of who we are.
It is a space where we share stories. Exchange thoughts. Debate. Have dialogues. Conversations. Discuss a range of topics. Collage on the cupboard, books on the shelf, magnets on the fridge, plants peeking through the windows. Open a drawer, you will find spices from a particular region. Open another, and you may find something to nibble on from a different region. Every ingredient has a story to tell. Collective wisdom.
That’s why I chose to call my blogging website S H U B H A M’S K I T C H E N . blog. Just like on a cold day, we seek warmth in the kitchen, I hope this cloud kitchen will offer similar warmth through the stories. The kitchen will have a variety of ingredients like food, travel, meditation, permaculture, art, movies, gardening, and much more so that there will always be something to add flavor to your day.
Bon appétit!